Lateness

I know you see me live

And ask of me all that I can give

But I’ve always wondered why

We don’t see each other die

Things often taken a turn

When the last remains burn

So easily we let go

Of all unworthy sorrow

And see clearly through moist eyes

That death claims us

 

long before we actually die.

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Getting Real

The Real and The False

The problem is-

Exist not as two, but are one

Not white, not black

The fog in my mind

Is a dense, ambiguous grey…

It reveals nothing

I’m left to speculate

About reasons for my pain

For my suffering… For my challenges…

The only thing I know

Is that I’m ignorant of the Truth

That I can’t see beyond this lying,

Indistinct grey haze…

 

That’s my only and most primary sense

Of the Real.

Not Me

Memory persisted

Old battles were recalled

The same arguments were replayed

The same reactions followed

I resolved to deal with this

I was eager to put this behind me

But what was this?

What is ‘me’?

I began to search for answers

And the harder I looked

The clearer it became…

Existence had no trace

Of my conflicts

Nor any interest in ‘me’.

The problem, the memory

Were mine alone.

Memories had molded my mind

Memories had left me with joys and sorrows

Memory needs more memory to be…

The mind is a mad king

A sovereign who usurps experiences

And calls them his own.

Without the mind

I just am…

Memory is not me.

The Last Hurdle

Life changed me

Just as much as

I changed through life

 

Old sentiments were discarded

Compulsions disguised as affections

Had now vanished

 

I distanced myself from the unnecessary

And felt no moral need

To appease the disgruntled

 

I felt no empathy

For the irresponsible

Nor interest in the dramas gripping their lives.

 

Repetition is a chronic condition

That cannot be cured

By either reason or rage.

 

I no longer saw the sense

Of paying a price of solitude

For the lesser charms of company

 

The desire to be surrounded

By relationships and

To be attended to, adored and celebrated-also gone!

 

All has left me

But this voice within

That judges me for drifting away

 

Telling me

It’s a fault I need to correct

That in the end I’ll be left alone.

 

I know

That it’s a matter of time…

The voice too will fade into the distance

 

A faint murmur

And then nothing…

Nothing, but oneness.

 

Don’t Read This If You Don’t Need To

Attention is everything. To be attentive is to be. However, in a world that has put time on steroids, our capacity for attentiveness is diminished. Ironically, it’s our attention that such a hyperventilating world wants. People no longer face a paucity of things, opportunities or ideas, what they are feeling a lack of supply in, is attentiveness- from others and in themselves. Attention is fast replacing money as the new valuable currency. Everybody seems to want your attention. And attention, which is our most precious intellectual resource- a resource that enables us to perceive, think, act and feel, is running wasted in the gutters of the world that is flooding us with content.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is real and is not restricted to a small percentage of fidgety children, it seems to be afflicting a whole lot of us across various age groups. The harmful effects of unrestrained human activity are not just manifesting in environments external to us, but also in our internal environments. Today, it seems clear that all the things we took for granted- most fundamentally, our capacity to be- we stand on the verge of losing. Our capacity to be attentive yields us our most precious gifts- the gift of love, the gift of perception, the gift of beauty, the gift of experience, the gift of knowledge, the gift of endurance and the gift of wisdom.

Time and the space to be, are most essential to us, and no one should have the right to steal them from us. We must decide who or what we give our time and space to, on whom we bestow our attention. Save your internal environment from this constant pilferage. Reclaim your power of attention. Don’t talk, don’t see, don’t buy, don’t donate, don’t reply if you don’t need to; certainly not at the cost of depleting your resource of attentiveness. It must be reserved for things that really matter.